How to communicate with your kid???

LPYdad1

I have been asked by quite a few parents about communicating with your child.
Firstly, on one sense I still need a lot improvement coz I lost my temper to my son many times before. In many ways, I need to have some anger management training, hahaha...
Ok, going back to the topic. One of my key communication skill is "I am dumber than  my son". I played even more stupid than he did in playground, my mouth blowing bubbles, running a pedestrain path with him in which I started with, cheating him on a chess or on a board game, even speaking something more nonsensical than he did sometimes. He laughed at my stupidity sometimes and even complained me cheating in certain case.
Communication primarily is based on "needing" - ask and receive. Next is expressing oneself - expressing your thought, your need or your feelings. By then, next purpose of communication will be sharing and sense of belonging. Last is superiority and leading (it is too far to mention in here la)
Your ST will mostly assist your kid's basic technique in needing. However, a delayed kid who is not only weak in speech technique, but also how to  expression, or even worse is that if his initiation is also weak which affect his communication channel in expression & sense of belonging. Act with or communicating with him in his level, even lower than his level will bring confidence in expression and a sense of belonging. This will save his initiation for communication from diminish if he/she has been long in lacking communication with others.
However, there will be a confusion of your role as a parent and as a playmate, sometimes as a tutor perhaps. That part explains later since passage already long.

kelvin_hmlau

你講的方法有點似 "floor time", 回到小孩的 level (甚至更低), 主要係提供樂趣.

同 conconma 一樣, 相信都會好有效.

不過大部分人都係喜歡跑成績, 未必太多人欣賞...

Capricorn2521

Act with or communicating with him in his level, even lower than his level will bring confidence in expression and a sense of belonging. ===> 很同意。我仔最近很喜歡在youtube看兒童短片，學了很多東西。我也會抽空陪在旁，以便有需要時作解釋。但可能就是一時看不到，他原來已經學了一些我不懂的生字了。昨天孩子問我：媽咪，indigo中文係乜野呀? 我說：吾知呀，媽咪要查字典呀。然後佢就滿心喜歡地說：紫藍色囉！.....因為自己識媽咪吾識，佢好有滿足感。

However, there will be a confusion of your role as a parent and as a playmate, sometimes as a tutor perhaps. ===> 我以前都有同感。不過，孩子愈來愈大，漸漸地容易處理。因為孩子漸漸能在我的說話、語氣、態度和表情知道我是否認真。不過，有時佢又會試我底線，未必合作，所以都要慢慢磨合。

[ 本帖最後由 Capricorn2521 於 11-10-11 13:23 編輯 ]

LPYdad1

Hahaha...
Thank you for Capricorn 2521 to your comments.
U already told them about the solution of confusing roles if there is.
Of course, the simplest solution could be some guiding words to indicate your role in a specific situation.
If words are not understandable to certain kids, by then, u should also consider a specific role in  specific environment to avoid confusion.
Another method is using some indicator e.g. a pecific toy to indicate your current role in a situation.

Capricorn2521

雖然我說出我的方法，但都請你說出你的意見。因為我的方法係我揣摩我個仔之後用來對付他的方法。而你的意見好全面，好詳細，給新手媽媽一個很好的指引，亦給我們戰鬥多年的媽媽一個參考價值。

LPYdad1

Dear Kelvin_hmlau,

Yr comment reminds me a discussion I have made w/ a friend who is a tutor in special need school, about a comparison between ABA, Floor time & RDI.
Using studying as an example.
ABA is like doing a Q&A exercise on an issue. When there comes a problem, find  what the problem is and locate a solution and deal with it.
Floor time is like reading a whole book of your task. From the beginning till the end.
RDI is like doing an essay or a thesis of your task. Locating related materials and making a solution from what u understand.

kelvin_hmlau

講真, 我自己只係學過RDI, 亦覺得對小兒非常有效, 而太太就係ABA信徒...

呢個topic 講的係communication. 我都覺得係simple is better: read a book, color a picture, make silly faces...最緊要係connect / engage 到.

我都覺得值得花好多effort, 甚至係top priority 去同自己個仔建立良好的溝通. RDI 用的字眼係 "Building a positive and efficient loop-back system", 亦係ASD缺失之一.

LPYdad1

U know somehow  I have an idea. Some time asking conconma together to organise a group parenting training together (w or w/out kid) to share the essence of ABA, Floor time, RDI, TEAACH, OT, ST, PT, medication, dietary, or even neurology and psychology. Or latest technology or development.

LPYdad1

And of course, u teach us about RDI details.

kelvin_hmlau

建議雖好, 但連屋企個c9都對RDI 無興趣...
要自己花時間研究的事恐怕已變得奢侈了.

LPYdad1

Hahaha...
U should be happy that yr C9 has an ABA role and u yrself in RDI. Seems perfect wow...
Btw, will u come this Sat ?

kelvin_hmlau

No lar, but thanks for your invitation.
因為放棄左個S位讀主流, E位d 服務又越來越少, 所以星期六要跑3場補鐘...

LPYdad1

OIC, u gave up the "S" seat to do "E" seat for yr son, right?
U must be busy since yr kid's kindergarden has to be in half day to accompany w/ "E" seat.
However, dont get too exhausted for yrself and yr kid, wont be efficient.

Torres

我都聽講E位d 服務又越來越少, 大約減少了幾多呢? 我都想讀埋今年放棄s位, 去e位, 但總怕會行錯...好煩

LPYdad1

OIC, so one problem in "S" seat is on bridging Primary school?
Btw, I myself and my wife have very deep prejudice over intergration program of primary school in HK. It is just one of world worst program for special need care children. Like an old Chinese wisdom, "Hang a goat's head, selling a puppy's flesh!"

kelvin_hmlau

E位服務都會睇返小孩個別能力, 小兒就每月一次個別訓練(3T).

上主流都要好好評估下小孩能力, 就算搏都要有d 勝算. 旁人其實比唔到乜野意見...

anan3388

我都好有興趣參加討論, 不過其實要 group到有心了解的父母不太容易, 同埋其實有時 d 書/therapist 又講得太理論化, 變左 d 人好容易望而卻步.  以前咩都唔識任人講咩好咩好, 最後我發覺睇書睇通左先, 然後先分到邊 d 人講既係合符那套方法, 邊 d 人係人云亦云.

出黎討論不同方法我都好有興趣, 我近排最常睇係 RDI, 同埋係做緊, 但有關 Floortime 同 ABA 既書都有睇下, 至於腦神經既野就不太清楚, 只係睇左本 disconnected kids. 感統既書我都好有興趣。可惜你地個聚會在香港區, Sat 正如 kelvin 話齋, 都係參加活動, 接送仔仔, 所以無法參加.  

s位真係比到較大安全感我既, 但可惜我間 S 校同我仔唔夾, 所以都唯有去 E, 失左個安全網, 其實都真係有點心慌慌。但可能我間 S 校對我仔成效有限, 我都係學左黎教仔仔為主, 反而依家佢出左普通校, 佢個人開心左, 學野都快左, 私人 training 既表現都好左。同埋有一半都係自己俾一些迷思迷惑左, 老實講我間S 既教法, 我相信佢(可能對其他人有效, 但對佢係無效)讀十年都唔會識主動同人打招呼, 亦唔會識在課堂中唔好遊魂要專心, 唔識點樣在無聊時唔會令老師反感地發夢! 只會不停俾人"的"住, "喝"住, "鬧"住 lor! (又有感而發, 見諒) (當然 S 校亦有它的好處, 但未必岩每個仔, 仔亦有唔同既階段, 以前岩d, 依家唔岩)

話時話, LPYdad1 會否考慮開個 chatroom 之類既野黎討論, 約出黎真係比較困難呀!

Capricorn2521

Hi Torres,

我嘅想法和你一樣，心情亦與你相同。

老公說：我地吾可以成世保護住佢.....係時候要佢自己去學。.........有如給了我一支強心針。

原帖由 Torres 於 11-10-13 21:28 發表
我都聽講E位d 服務又越來越少, 大約減少了幾多呢? 我都想讀埋今年放棄s位, 去e位, 但總怕會行錯...好煩

[ 本帖最後由 Capricorn2521 於 11-10-17 15:42 編輯 ]

LPYdad1

Dear anan3388,

My son attend one of the best (I think) "I" seat, but I still also found my kid having attention problem (which I think it is his weakenss part - a pain in my ass) I just attend my son's school birthday party, teacher did remind my son to be attentive a few times  effectively, but of course, he lost his very soon again. So I think your worry about losing the safety belt is not a real worry, he/she will lose his attention anyway no matter in which kindergarden or which kind of method if he/she is weak at it.
Yr suggestion to make a chatroom is a gd idea, but I need to ask someone to help me since I am actually poor in computing ( with a bit embarrassment) but dont worry about not attending the gathering, I will pass u the info together if u like.

anan3388

謝謝！agree! 遊魂是我最大的煩惱，一對一已少了遊魂，但多人些已未得。唯有繼續努力。

chatroom可從詳計議，我也可幫手找找看！