呢D係咪行為問題呢?

pocoyo123

最近發現兒子做什麼事都好求其, 做功課要老師常常提點, 如果無人在身邊睇住佢做, 佢會寫到好差, 如有人在身傍, 佢又會寫到好整齊, 做英文, 叫佢寫返老師教過嘅發音出來, 我叫佢自己寫, 佢全部寫錯, 我在身傍望住佢, 佢又全部寫啱,彈琴又係, 游泳又係, 樣樣都係咁, 我同佢講, 如果唔喜歡, 不如唔好學, 佢又話唔好, 我好喜歡學, 佢真係樣樣都話學, 一陣又話晝畫, 一陣又話普通話, 一陣又話跳舞,一陣又話抬拳道, 我唔知點好, 最近我常常打佢, 因為佢態度很差, 成日駁咀, 做事又粗心大意, 想問下有無其他A仔係咁呢? 我要點做呢? 佢就來上小學, 咁求其, 咁唔聽話, 好担心

kelvin_hmlau

有人在身傍, 做得好; 無人在身傍, 做得差.
--> 假設身傍人比好多提示意見, 反映自己完成能力或有限.
--> 假設身傍人只係監督, 無比好多提示, 像一般工人姐姐一樣, 責任感問題.
我覺得A仔前者機會較大. 普通小孩後者機會較大.

樣樣都想學
--> 可能係 apprasial 同 make choice 問題. 唔知道自己like d 乜.

上小學真係A仔一大挑戰, 不過心平氣和似乎比較有效, 加油!

LPYdad1

Dear Pocoyo123,

This is a challenging and mix case.
I think u are quite a competent parent, so let me get u some idea in deeper explanation personally.
Let me start with non-development delay part ( i personally think it is more important this time), it is a problem of signalling which affect sub-consciousness  psychologically. Let me get u an example of a true story to be easier to understand. A kid about 10 yrs old is wetting her bed while sleeping at 11am exactly every night. The reason is that every night at 11am, she sub-conciously heard her father closed the door and went out to meet his mistress (before she heard the fight btw parents perhaps) One day, this little girl mistakenly pour water in her bed.To clean up her bed, her father did not go out that night. After that, she unconsciously wet her bed every night since then and kept her father stay at home successfully. Of ocurse, it turns to be a behavioural problem of this girl.
Go back to yr case, u should ease yr signal GRADUALLY when he is doing his homework. Firstlly, beating is the worst signal. MUST stop immediately. U are lucky that yr kid did not have much behavioural problem over beating. Many just learn beating from parent to other kids. However, is yr kid thinking that he dont need to do homework properly if no one beats him???
Other suggestion u might consider,
when guiding him to do homwork, only do correction after he finished each one. Let him bear the time & results  he needs to make correction.
If keep going ok & his attention is not so bad, u should leave 1-2 mins at his sight when he is doing homework every time and come back to check on him in the beginning.
Other more advanced suggestion talk next time since it is too long.
On the other hand, yr problem about yr kid want to learn everything but not properly. I believe it is a problem of EXPECTATION & THEORY OF CHOICE, talk next time if u want to hear.

pocoyo123

(我個仔最差係寫字, 相當求其) 其實, 我知亞仔在學校做功課, 老師會巡視, 見佢寫字唔靚, 叫佢擦左去再寫過, 其他功課佢OK, 唔使人教, 但佢好奇怪, 明知老師會擦, 佢都係一見老師行開, 佢又求其寫,在家, 如果有些功課, 我知佢自己不能完成, 我會在傍提示佢, 但有些我知佢識, 我不會提示, 佢做錯, 我擦左, 只在傍望住佢做, 不會提示佢, 佢又可以自己做得到, 我已經同佢講過千次萬千, 上左小學咁樣做, 你每日都要留堂, 遇著考試, 你求其笞完就算, 做錯晒, 係要補考, 浪費自己時間, 佢呢頭話唔會再咁, 果頭又係咁, 想死

ababymami

我的小朋友亦不太喜歡寫字，試過我擦完再叫佢再寫，就發脾氣，寫不下去。所以我會等佢完成，再同佢講: "我覺得你這些字寫得很好看，但這個字你覺得點樣? "咁佢會自已擦，再寫過，無咁hard feeling.

另外，我的小朋友喜歡做家裹補充練習，因為每次做完，我即大讚叻叻，及即時俾兩個公仔印印佢，佢就做得很開心及很有心機。positive reinforcement 的效果是好過 Negative reinforcement.

你自已要放鬆點，加油。

LPYdad1

Dear pocoyo123,

As said by ababymami, positive reinforcement, like a chop, a sticker or even writing a little star will make a gd sign for work.
Two more parts u need to consider:
I myself also did my work fairly without the sight of my boss. It is human nature (It is leisure against return in economics. Should I say fortunately or unfortunately??? My son is totally different from me. He tends to disregard environment, focusing on task & goals only)
Also, pls remember. If u ask a kid before 6 why u cannot steal, or cannot skip school. Their answer is police will catch him or teacher will punish him. Not becoz it is a misconduct. Signal is overwhelming his  judgement on decision before 8 in many cases. If u want to improve his self -discipline, the first step is to let go of him and reduce the influence of outside signals. Handing him an eraser for self-correction is a gd beginning. More advanced is that u could deny his incorrect answer and revise with him together before or after received the comments of the homework. U could sometimes even read him some story book with missing or wrong pronounication inside (It is ok whether u told him in advance) for him to gain self-recognition & self-guiding sense.
2nd- no one will hear reasoning pls remember. I could tell u even an adult like me wont listen to a reason or consequence of a behaviour esp it is happened in FUTURE. Kids is even worse since they might even not understand what is a reason and more importantly, their sub-conscious is largely over-whelm conscious before 20something. That's why there are very common behavioural problem for kids and juvenile in society. All those bout 我已經同佢講過千次萬千, 上左小學咁樣做, 你每日都要留堂, 遇著考試, 你求其笞完就算, 做錯晒, 係要補考, 浪費自己時間, 佢呢頭話唔會再咁, 果頭又係咁,
No kid will listen even u told him every minute coz ALL kids wont take any care of a teeny tiny expectation on what they are NOT interested.
Simple solution is a clear instruction and clear IMMEDIATE NATURAL consequence like proper homework ~ a time of play or reinforcement.
But be as calm as possible if not successful. (Hahaha, though I told u to be calm, I myself lost temper alot. So I could only say as much as possible la)

[ 本帖最後由 LPYdad1 於 11-12-15 23:55 編輯 ]

kelvin_hmlau

如果係寫字較差, 可能係寫字用錯力 (A仔有時小手肌較差無力, 於是用左手腕力), rather than 用前三指. 寫字可能較用力 (容易倦) 同裝字不美觀. 可以試下買寫字膠固定手勢看看有無改善.

faye525

回復 pocoyo123 的帖子

就咁睇, 你小朋友應該有對抗性反抗症~~
好多A仔都會有的~~

我個女都未睇醫生前D態度都越黎越差架~~好似你小朋友咁的

而家食左藥, 佢D脾氣好左, 就於是冇好似之前咁囉....係間中要提下佢唔好又駁我咀..或者講D無禮既說話囉~~

Karen1212lo

回復 faye525 的帖子

你好,想間下你話女女自從食藥後脾氣好轉，請問係咩藥同睇邊個醫生？